Isn't it funny...

Funny, isn't it...when things "hit you." Today. I'm putting the girls down for a nap. And, as usual, I'm doing and thinking of a million things at once. So I'm thinking about how many cupcakes I need to make for Gabi's party next weekend. And - BAM! It hits me....

My Baby...

MY FIRST BORN...

is going to be 

5 Years Old 

in just a few short days.

I know, it's good - right? Every birthday we celebrate is a gift, and the alternative of celebrating a birthday is...well, you know. So, believe me. I couldn't be happier that she's going to celebrate another birthday. Every new year that I get to spend with these girls is like another miracle.

You know, I remember the day she was born like it was yesterday. I could tell you her "birth story" today with as much detail and emotion as I would have told you almost five years ago. 

But, God...if I wouldn't give a million dollars to go back and really live in every moment with her and with Amelia. What I wouldn't give to have kept baby books. What I wouldn't give to have not worried so much about what was coming up, but lived in each moment as it was happening.

I don't remember the day she first smiled. But I remember the way my heart felt. I don't remember when she first crawled, but I remember the day she crawled over to a box of Kleenex and took each tissue out of the box. I don't remember the day she started walking, but I remember how much pride and love I felt the first time she walked into my arms for a big bear hug. 

So, today I cried a bit. I mourned the passing of one stage for the next. I relived moments that made me happy, and sad. I gave thanks for every second of every day with these little girls. I smiled as I wiped my tears away. I laughed as I thought about the mess I will be when she graduates high school! 

And then, finally after my little breakdown - it was quick, but it was a doozy; I made myself a promise. I made my girls a promise. To live in each moment. To blog my stories, thoughts, and memories. To appreciate each second for what it is - a gift!

I probably won't be prepared the next time a random wave of emotions hit me - I am Monica, afterall. I just think it's funny...how a mundane task can give you a quick peek at the bigger picture.